over it all

so i have three papers to write tonight, and i don't want to do any of them. two of them are hermaneutics papers, and the other one is a transcript of three interviews that i have done with fellow believers that i know. dead mike is one of them, the other two are my youth pastor from highschool and my pastors wife. not that it matters, but its not my youth pastor's wife, but my actual pastor's... just to be clear.

anyway to get to the point. school is stupid. i am not learning anything at all. i feel like i am really ready to be done with this stuff, but i have another year to put up with. I know i am really blessed to have been able to go to college, let alone a really expensive one, but i still know that things could be different. i am sick of being indoctrinated, and tired of attending 'university' that isn't really what it claims to be. this whole 'center of christian thought' thing that they are trying to persue really scares the shit out of me to tell the truth.

i guess i would rather just be working somewhere as a teacher, coming home and creating some great work. i really want to pursue giant installations and some large-scale sculpture stuff. plus there is always writing and news stuff, coupled with technology and i feel that i could really be at the cutting edge of art and where things are going to be headed.

speaking of art openings, i got really sad today because i don't think any of my family will come to mine next spring before i graduate. i doubt they will even come down for that. i miss having parents. its really makes me sad. the first kid in my entire family to ever graduate from college and no one is even going to come. sad sad stuff. ok time to go eat some dinner now.

you know what to do--->