i shouldn't have to leave the house, or how to find a tree stand

so i've got the christmas music going, if i had some stockings i would hang them above the black and decker space heater, and im drinking. this is the perfect recipe for christmas shopping online for a tree stand.

what's the deal here folks? i thought that you could find anything on the internets. i checked wallyworld, targe`t and hell on earth looking for a freakin stand for a tree. this shouldn't be this hard. i just want a typical tree stand, nothin fancy. i've found pictures of em, and you can see it here for yourself. i just want an old school stand for my first christmas being married.

since when can't you find just a normal stand? i don't want to spend two hours running around town in traffic looking at all the normal places trying to find an f-ing stand. then there's the whole "paying out the ass" for the tree thing.

growing up i never even thought about having to pay a ton of cash for a tree. we always bought a $5 permit from the forest service and got to cut down any damn tree we wanted. now im looking around down here and thinking that $30-$45 is a good price for a tree. this is crazy talk! and what i'll have to spend on a tree and a stand, i could use for other things, or an artificial tree. but i might as well start wearing clothes from hot topic if i am going to go fake for christmas.

i have to have the smell of a real tree, the chore of pouring water into the tree stand, getting poked by needles, and getting sap all over my hands. i miss having a nice doug fir in the house, and thinking about it now... i can almost hear my uncles burping from the couch, my mom complaining that no one ever helps with the dishes, my cousins crying, and the runbles from the wood stove.

i've got to get a real tree
or i just might go crazy