craftsmanship

im currently being cheered up by being brought down, thanks to a huggable hipster {you are aware of your own identity} and the mix he made. i thought about calling this post 'failure' but i opted out. i think i made a connection in my mind today about something, and i wanted to share it.

i have been thinking about art making a lot recently, aspecially in light of my upcoming solo show in may. i have been spending my quiet moments in the car, and while sitting here on my couch thinking through all of the details, the over arching themes, the name os the show, yada yada yada all that bullshit. yeah i have connected quite a few dots, but something more important was realized.

i like making things with my hands. this is not a trait that i often associate with myself. there's no good reason for me NOT to feel comfortable doing this however. irregardless of my childhood experience with my father, the yelling, or the repeated assurances that i couldn't build anything right or help in a correct manner, i can do these things. it only makes sense considering the obvious thing i realized today.

my dad is a structural steel iron worker. he builds dams, buildings, bridges, and notable casinos of egyptian style. he uses his hands to do this. my mother likewise was a painter, a crazy garden decorator, and a rigorous aesthetete. my grandfather was a millwright, building, creating and fixing anything wrong at the lumber mill. his father was a professional photographer.

sycz will tell you that going to oregon with me a month or two ago was enlightening as far as learning more about who i am. he got to see my home town of cottage grove, and most importantly see how i related to my friends and family. to be honest, sycz can probably explain this better than me, but my family doesn't understand me at all.{feel free to chime in in the comments mikey if you feel like it} i have never felt comfortable being myself with them, though i am whenever i am around. i think they have a hard time understanding me, and think that i am weird. i guess in ways i have ascribed that same understanding to the way that i think about myself sometimes. i am hard to understand, and weird. the more i think about it though, i am not weird, nor am i hard to understand. sure im not the fullest expression of my potential at this point, but Christ will complete that good work in me in His good time.

To bring it back around though, i never though it was natural that i should be an artist. the thought never even entered into my head until well into college. considering my forebearers though, it's no wonder the sort of things i gravitate to. it all clicked for me, and even though i have been perfectly content with what i have chosen to pursue, i feel sorta vindicated. sure my family will always think i am weird, but they are short sighted. i love them regardless, but i just wish we could connect. my mom understood, they treated her the same way. that's another reason why i miss her so much.

all that to say i guess, that thinking about my show has been good. maust has always said that art is what's inside of you, whether you admit it or not. i certainly hope that my art doesn't come out of most of the shit that's inside of me {and all of us} but hopefully just the nice bits. i'm really looking forward to sharing my show with you guys. up to this point i haven't ever really gotten to do anything that i have wanted to. i hope you guys enjoy it. i post details and stuff when i get them in {time, place etc.}